


distance and closeness

by lockit (orphan_account)



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthurian, Bitterness, Bittersweet, Conflict of Interests, Exes, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Internal Conflict, M/M, No Romance, Not Romance, Pre-Canon, Self-Indulgent, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/lockit
Summary: Merlin ignored any flash of black and blue. He looked on as passively as he was able.This wasnt love, not anymore. But it would do.~       the magus of flowers and the lady of the lake.
Relationships: Merlin | Caster/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 11





	distance and closeness

**Author's Note:**

> so i have no real excuse for this, i just liked the idea and wanted to write it. nimue, or "vivienne", the lady of the lake, has always been my favourite character in arthurian lore so i thought "hey lets slightly alter the very vague information we've been given about fates rendition of her and see what happens!"
> 
> nobody beta read this lol.  
> enjoy!

The nights he spent with Merlin always left the enchantress confused.

His head told him it was just a courtesy, warming the magus's bed so he wouldn't drive himself insane as some form of obscure obligation. That it was simply stubbornness left him unable to truly abandon him. Too much time invested in the man.

His heart, however, told him he _ wanted  _ to share some kind of intimacy with him, even now. 

Which was stupid.

It wasn't as if Nimue regretted his decision, no matter how Vivienne wept and mourned, as if Merlin was dead and not sleeping right beside him; white hair tousled in a state of disarray, eyes shut peacefully.

He likely wasn't even sleeping, but observing, as he always did. Regardless, Nimue made no moves to lay beside the magus, nor tuck his hair behind a pointed ear as he had once done so habitually. Doing anything of the sort left a burning lingering sensation in his fingertips, one much too close to contentment. It was best, yes,  _ best _ , to keep whatever they were now solely...physical.

Perhaps he had convinced himself that this was the only way he  _ could  _ be around Merlin after this betrayal of his. Magic stolen from the magus and used against him, and for what? Rage? Misery? Selfishness? Truth be told Nimue did not remember. Time was lost to him, drowned out by the rippling of his dearest lake and the uproar of bustling Camelot. He had no intentions of getting sentimental now, not so late into the night and  _ not _ , for heaven's sake, so close to Merlin.

Close enough to see the rise and fall of his chest, mirroring slumber. Did Incubi sleep? Nimue did not know and opted to remain that way. The prospect of the magus wondering on in some far away dreamland made this scenario less awkward.

Merlin stirred against the sheets, but did not speak and did not open his eyes. With nothing else to do Nimue watched him for a time.

He could kill him now if he wanted to. 

But he wouldn't. 

He didn't want to.

No, death wasn't a permanent enough punishment for ... whatever. His aforementioned stubbornness would not allow him to let the flowery bastard off that easily. At least that's what he told himself.

Nimue had settled into the habit of resuming his role in Arthur's court as advisor and mage. Living through the light hours in a haze then ending up here at night for whatever Merlin had in mind. Less than lovers, not quite friends, nor enemies. Whatever they were it was a mess and a half to say the least. And while the magus would joke and scheme his way around his own emotions like they were boulders in a path, Nimue did not have that option.

His emotions were lethal, raging, like the ocean waves, thinly conceded by his ever-withering patience. If left unchecked then god, nor devil could quell his wrath. An unfortunate boon for one such as he.

Growing restless, Nimue tossed the sheets and robes aside, walking towards the window. Cool air circulated around the room, Avalon always remaining the perfect temperature. He stared out into the vast fields of flowers that surrounds the tower like the sea and thought of anything better than this. Anything more than being eaten away by his own subconscious. He equal parts loved and loathed Merlin, such was the nature of the Lake Dancer. And yet these things that were supposedly in balance seemed to tilt on their own mangled axis.

It was confusing. It was frustrating. It was--

"You're leaving?" The voice behind him,  _ Merlin's  _ voice, startled him.

"Wouldn't even wait for me to wake? Ufu.. you're cruel  _ Vivienne. _ "

Nimue narrowed his gaze, then huffed and looked out toward the darkness. Time did not truly exist here, the cycles of day and night were fabricated to give an illusion of such.

"You weren't sleeping after all then, Magus?" A tut. "Sneaky and sly as usual."

"Hey hey, don't be so mean Vivi. I could sense your unease is all, y'know, it's hard to sleep next to someone whos always  _ so  _ conflicted. I'm a little disappointed I didn't wear you out though ~."

He chirped, lavender eyes twinkling. Nimue twitched, hand clenching at his side. He scoffed and turned away, pushing his weight against the side of the window as Merlin chuckled. He held a strong distaste for the flush of colour that appeared on his skin.

"I don't hate you for this." The magus spoke in a tone more sombre than his captor was used to.

"What...?"

"I said, I don't hate you; you're cold, vindictive and cruel, but I don't hate you for it, Vivi." He shrugged as if this were the easiest thing in the world. As if Nimue pricked his finger with a needle and not imprisoned him in a tower of his own creation. 

Merlin smiled, it was small and didn't reach his eyes, but there was no contempt behind it. "I loved you."

It made Nimue feel sick.

"I loved you too. I thought... I'd much rather you hated me. That would make this a lot easier."

"Well, it's a fitting punishment then. I cannot hate you, so now you must live with your decisions." The aloofness of his tone twisted knots in Nimue's stomach… He feared that… Revenge and reprimand brought closure and solace. Without it feeling reeled and lingered.

Nim huffed. He turned away his gaze, with the intention to prevent Merlin from being able to see just how much it bothered him. But body language was enough.

The magus walked to his side, humming ballads. He let his arms hang over the stones and out of the window. Wind picked up their hair and rustled it.

"That feeling is regret." Merlin said, when Nimue didn't respond, he glanced up at the enchantress and was surprised to see the faintest sparkle of tears against his cheek.

"Vivienne-"

"Stop. Stop talking."

The sounds of crashing waves echoed in Merlin's head. But they were not near any bodies of water, Avalon held no rivers, or ponds, no lake or streams that trickled into vast oceans.

Nimue moved, sluggishly back over to the bed. He tugged on his robe and slid back into the sheets, pulling a pillow over his face. Merlin didn't move to return.

"I suppose you'll be gone by daylight then?"

"Dawn."

"Mm."

Silence stretched over the room and blanketed every wall in awkwardness. Neither of them spoke.

He wasnt sure how long passed them by, but the quiet made minutes feel like hours. Eventually, just before he drifted off, Nimue felt smooth, strong arms wrap around his waist and draw him near.

Surprisingly, he settled. Too tired to argue.

"Goodnight, Vivi."

"Goodnight, Merlin."

  
  
  
  
  


He was gone long before Merlin awoke, at the heart of the afternoon. His side of the bed tidied as best as he could, and any dirtier linens set drying by the window. Sunlight set the empty space aglow.

He sighed, pushing himself up with a hum to begin his work. He was the observer of man, afterall. A mostly benevolent force, who guided them.

Merlin ignored any flash of black and blue. He looked on as passively as he was able.

This wasnt love, not anymore. But it would do.

  
  



End file.
